A SCIENTIFIC STUDY!
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy
study,
discovered that people with very low intellect read stuff on the
internet with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now. It's too late!!!
O.K. Send Me Your Best (And Clean) Joke And I Will Post It Here!
Submitted by Kason Mathes.....Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!!
Submitted by Jack Hutton......What do you call a chicken you just hit with the front of your truck?
A grilled chicken!
Submitted by Bobby Hutton......What do you call a chicken that is covered in french fries?
A french fried chicken!
You might be a Redneck if...........you've got more than three cousins named "Bubba".
You might be a Redneck if...........you ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin' contest.
You might be a Redneck if...........you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner
are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
You might be a Redneck if...........you think the police can't see you because your truck
is painted camouflage.
You might be a Redneck if...........you quit your job because deer season's fixin' to start.
Submitted by Bobby Hutton....... You might be a redneck if ...............
you park your camper in a pasture and deer hunt in it .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading in America,
Arkansans and Missourians will no longer be referred to as
"HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to us as OZARK-AMERICANS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
O.K. You Guys........The Rest Of The Page Is Up To You!!
E-Mail Your Jokes Here!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Jack Hutton
Who's there?
Ach
Ach who
Bless You!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Bobby Hutton
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Beets
Beets who?
Beets me, I forgot my name!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Alan G
Never take a cab driven by a guy called Flaherty.
Why not?
Because..........Flaherty gets you nowhere!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Anthony
How do you fit an elephant in a frig ???????
Open the door and put the elephant in and close it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Adam
What is black and white and pink all over?
An embarassed Zebra. Ha Ha Ha Ha!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by ???
Knock-Knock....... who's there?...... Leena
Leena who?.........Leena little closer and I can tell you
Knock-Knock....... whos there?...... Spell
Spell who?......... W...H...O!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Taylor Claypole
Knock-Knock...........
Who's there?
Yaw........
Yaw who?
Answer-Why are you so excited?
Knock-Knock.........
Who's there?
Cantalope.......
Cantalope who?
Answer - Can't elope tonight, I forgot the ladder.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Dalton Nelson
You might be a redneck if.........
You
stare at a bottle of orange juice
just because it says "concentrate".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Matt
Why did the woman wear a helmet to the dinner table?
She was on a crash diet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Kelsey Baxter
What does your mom say when you just walk in?
JUSTIN.
Doctor doctor I keep seeing double!
Please sit on the couch.
Which one?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Luke Stanely
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Hannah Eastin
What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?
Answer - Any dog, buildings can't jump!
What is a horse's favorite cartoon caracter?
Whinney the Pooh!
What kind of dogs get mail?
A Golden Reciever!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Riley Jolley
Why did the Bunny cross the road?
Because it wanted to show his girl friend he could Hip Hop!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Whitney Rene
What did the chewing gum say to the shoe?
ANSWER:"I'm stuck on you"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Brittni Brenizer
Why do you go to bed?
Because the bed won't come to you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by "Unknown"
This Will Teach You To Not Be In A Hurry!!
A photographer from National Geographic magazine was
assigned to cover Southern California's wildfires. The magazine wanted
pictures of the heroic work the fire fighters were doing as they battled
the blazes.
When the photographer arrived on the scene he realized that the smoke was
so thick that it would seriously impede, or even make impossible, his
obtaining good photographs from ground-level.
He requested permission from his boss to rent a plane and take photos from
the air. His request was approved, and via a cell phone call to the local
county airport, necessary arrangements were made. He was told a
single-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
He arrived at the airfield and spotted a plane warming up outside a hangar.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, "Let's go!"
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind, and roared down the
runway. Within just a minute or two of his arrival they were in the air.
The photographer requested the pilot to, "Fly over the valley and make two
or three low passes so I can take some pictures of the fires on the
hillsides."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I'm a photographer for National Geographic," he responded,
"and I
need to get some close-up shots."
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment; finally he stammered,
"So, you're telling me you're not the flight instructor?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Sydney Lawrence
Why did the blonde get fired from the M & M factory?
She kept throwing out the W's!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Jack Hutton
Why wouldn't the leopard take a bath?
He didn't want to come out spotless!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Bobby Hutton
What did the sun say when the moon rose and surprised it?
"You scared the daylights out of me!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Test Your Mouse !!!
You should do this every week. More often if you spend a lot of time on computer!
I was shocked to see this works!
To recalibrate your mouse, click and hold on the S.
Then drag the S toward the K. If it doesn't work, you might want to clean your mouse.
Stop messing on the computer and go do your homeworK
The Chair Test
===============
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam
after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor
picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the
board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove
that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious
fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour
attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of
the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the student who finished
in one minute got an A.
The rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when
he had barely written anything at all.
This is what he wrote:
"What chair?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDLE THOUGHTS OF A PERSON WHO THOUGHT TOO MUCH!
I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible, and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and,
when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
The shampoo promised me extra body and I gained three pounds!
One nice thing about egotists. They don't talk about other people.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a 20-penny nail.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? Hmmmm ?
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
The speed of time is one-second per second.
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I'll show you a man who can't get his pant's off.
It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Is it my imagination, or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
